Live fully

and you'll have no fear of death.

Penning from an internet cafe here in Penang, Malaysia. (Wi-fi is pretty much non-existent.) Flew back here this weekend as relatives from my paternal side gathered to accompany Grandma on her final stretch. It's been pretty melancholy the last day but still interjected with sporadic laughter as Grandma tried to speak to all her children and grandchildren. We're not particularly close to the paternal side of the family, coming back to visit maybe once or twice every two years during the Chinese New Year; but there's still a connection that's difficult to put into words. Grandma used to come visit us in Singapore too, a couple of years back, before she fell ill. I remember how well she could cook and having her with my Grandma from mom's side together always meant quite a delicious feast (:

I never knew how difficult it was, to watch a loved one suffering from an illness, coughing their lungs out and groaning in pain. It was the sense of helplessness as one stood by, not being able to do anything at all to relieve the pain, that was hard to handle - because all you can do is hold her hand, and be there for her.

The idea of death scares me. I know people say to just live life fully and if death comes, let it come. Yet there's only so much you can accomplish in a day right, you always always want to do more ;] We never know when the reaper's gonna come and cut us short.. As the saying also goes, we always fear what we don't understand, what we don't know. So.... what then? Guess it just comes full circle doesn't it. - Live fully, and you'll have no   minimal fear of death. Haha.. at the very least, you know you lived to your fullest potential and you went out with a bang (no pun intended).

On a brighter note, 79 days to the BFF's return! (: Rooooobbban's also coming back this July. I must remember to request Fanta-free. Haha. I've also booked my flight for England!!! (: Managed to get it preeetty cheap since it's 5 months early ;) Have I mentioned that I can't wait to start school? Because I am! (That's prolly gonna change 3 months into school...... but you know ;] )

My time's almost up and god this internet cafe is awesome. I'm accompanied by teens playing DOA and random shouts of hokkien vulgarities every 2-3 minutes. I feel like my ears need to be soaped out. Haha.