Onus Probandi

the burden of proof

It’s a guilt that I can’t quite comprehend. I felt sorry and sad, as though I could feel the weight of his heavy heart. For just a split second there, my heart clenched, my breath caught and I wished largely for his sake that things could have remained the same.

Yet feelings fade and people change.

It’s a scary thought, that one. It’s as though we've been caught in this whirlwind of emotions and we’re constantly struggling to keep our head above water but we don’t quite know what exactly we are fighting for. Grandeur dreams that we are blindly seeking simply because we believe that there is something better out there. There's no fault in that, of course. Yet, some would say humans are greedy by nature and I’m inclined to agree. Doesn’t it seem ironic how contentment can so easily become such an inadequate sense of satisfaction? The restlessness festers and we start to seek for greener pastures, which is admirable because we should never be contented with mediocrity, right?

But I sometimes question whether mediocrity is really the core issue here; what one has could very well be epic and the whole notion of mediocrity is after all only a standard that we set for ourselves. It’s the ability to find that true sense of contentment that seems to elude us all.

On another note, I have not heard back from the schools yet beyond them asking for my transcript (which can’t possibly bode well?). It’s honestly very very very nerve-wrecking and I find myself eyeing my inbox every five minutes; clearly bordering the edge of obsessive insanity. I’ve never wanted something this bad and hopefully this gets through to the admissions tutor above anything else.

Swedish phrase before I go,

av hjärtans lust – to one’s heart’s content.