FEELING MY FAITH ERODE.

i love. the littlest things you do.

today, i stood and watched it fall apart as the flaws and loopholes were highlighted to me with a smile that didn't seem quite right. it wasn't pity i sensed, but a seemingly genuine glimpse of the loss of what could have been.

today, started just like any other day.
pulled myself out of bed, showered, left home, walked to the bus stop, waited for the bus, looked at my watch and sighed. estimated that i was gonna be late again. but at least it's 15 minutes. that's an 8 minutes improvement from the day before. well done, jasmin. saw a familiar face on the train, exchanged a tentative smile. got off. walked down the familiar streets of chinatown. my calves were sore and aching. got a text, sighed. sent 2 texts. took a deep breath and regretted it instantly. winced at the pungent chinese herbal smell. doors were wide open, didn't have to press the bell today. that, was the first thing that tilted my field an inch.

today, i had to do a little coloring with the black marker. coloring numbers for tags and more tags. it made me miss the days of my coloring book. i suddenly remembered gavin looking at my picture, laughing and giving me an animal stamp. "therapy." he said. he was the coolest swimming coach ever. i miss those days sitting by the pool and waiting for training to start.

exactly 1 year ago today, i left for Sweden. i'm not travelling at all this entire summer. maybe take that missed trip to Phuket, but nothing big. funny how we always have great plans to meet up again but life never does go the way i want it to.

today, i watched an episode of csi new york. it took 42 minutes and 32 seconds of time that i needed. but heh, wtf.

and something that has nothing to do with today, i'm loving my pilates classes. dude. it is awesome.