This heart of mine

It won't ease up.

It's funny, the things that I associate, with the cases that I learn; the things that help me to remember.

This feeling of being so very inadequate.

How difficult is it, to read me? I wear it on my sleeve, which is most unfortunate.

You have gotten under my skin.

Detta är en katastrof,
meaning this is a disaster.

x

Give a shit

that's how it starts.

Give-a-shit. Now that's what we call creative marketing and getting something useful out of this social slang that is sometimes frowned upon ;) The message behind the campaign is quite ingenious though and I agree, that if only everyone gave a shit about something, it'll make everything that much better in it's own little way. I just feel that if you gave a shit about something, it will affect (subconsciously or not) your actions in some way or another. Doesn't matter how small it is, Rome wasn't built in a day nor was it built with one giant slab of stone. So pick a cause, and give a shit. (:

So the 12th of August marked my last day at Legal Aid. It has been an amazing run and I've learnt so much this past year. I am sometimes still quietly amazed at how everything turned out. I  remember going for the interview at Legal Aid hoping for an internship but came out with a job instead. From meeting clients/applicants to court experiences and to drafting tons of legal documents, it has been such a fruitful year and made even more memorable by the colleagues that I had. Nothing else I can say but that I've been truly blessed. (:

In the blink of an eye, it's now less than a week to departure and just over 2 weeks to the start of school. I was supposed to leave on the 15th but pushed my flight up by a couple of days to give myself slightly more time to settle in (: I, am so.damn.psyched :D Haven't had much time to read up as much as I wanted to though, as I have been helping Monica with the new Frejadesigns site. (Really excited for the launch!) but I'm still catching a few pages everyday and despite English Legal and Constitutional being awfully stiff and boring at times, I still like it. (: (:

Fees have also been fully paid, accommodation settled, registration has all been done and I've even gotten my timetable (: I only have lectures Mondays to Wednesdays! This gives me a bit more flexibility to find a job which I'm glad for since I've been told it's not easy to find one.

SO EXCITED TO FINALLY START LAW SCHOOL! :D

Alright, need to get back to packing.

Swedish word before I go, studenthem which means the dorms or hall of residence (:
Jag kommer att bo i studenthem means I will be living in the dorms.

Hej då!

Pakalolo

It's in the way you say it.

The tragedy of the twin attacks in Norway came as a shock to the world. Famously associated with the land of peace, it's the last place that one would imagine a gunman shooting at innocent kids at a camp. My heart goes out, to the loss of brilliance and innocence in Utøya and Oslo. Våra tankar är hos Norge. ♥

This sense of bone-deep exhaustion and weariness is starting to take it's toll. Hello old friend, it's been awhile since we last met, though I can't say I'm happy to see you again.

Horrid dreams of an alternate reality. I wake feeling like I just ran 10 miles in my sleep. A good night's sleep continues to elude me. Perhaps this is a sign that I should run 10 miles before bed, that might just knock me out.

Coupled with a sense of restlessness that I can't seem to still. Except for that 15 brief minutes in the museum, where I found myself heaving a breath of relief the size of Texas. For that few moments, in a room covered with canvases, I felt peace. I had the urge to fall asleep in there, to the flashing of Van Gogh's Starry Starry night. Wouldn't that be sweet.

50 days to a new start, a new chapter.

Not a word of grievance shall be uttered. I loathe this heavy heart but I refuse to give you the satisfaction of hearing me sigh.

My every fiber, is desperate for a break. It's been a long time coming.

On a brighter note, my visa was officially approved on 21st July. Best birthday, ever (:

Today's mini swedish lesson:
We know that snygg means that someone is handsome, good looking.
Snygga up on the other hand, would mean to clean up or to tidy up.

That is all.

Summer has set in. ♥

Sunshine, freedom and a little flower.

Right in the eye of summer (: June came and went, then came July; and now it's almost on it's way out! Time has this tendency to fly right by you just when you're trying to savour the best of it huh? It's now just slightly over 50 days to England and I, am fucking psyched. (: I can't wait to get started on assignments and term papers, getting involved in the Innocence project, studying in the library, getting pumped up on caffeine, the cold frost in the early mornings and everything that has to do with being a law student in England. Haha... my tone might change a few weeks into school as I start to grumble about having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and having to make the long trudge to class, but I'm fairly certain the thrill of reading law will last for a long time to come. ;)

That aside, summer thus far has been pretty awesome (: Our trip to Bangkok and Koh Tao was a blast and we met some cool people too (and lots of crazy english lads :D). Managed to get my Deep Dive and Night Dive certification this time round and clocked another 9 dives in my log book so I must say that I felt pretty damn accomplished. Haha.. It's a pity though that I did not get to see any sharks this time round. Though I did see a couple of huge rays. OH! We saw a ginormous school of barracudas! It was awesome! I managed to spot my favourite yellow box-fish a couple of times too (: With that, I don't know when I'd be able to dive again but I hope I'll be able to make it to PNG in the near future because Paul's pictures look fuckin amazing. Anyway, a few captured moments of our summer trip:

Of fire stunts and pretty sunsets (:

♥

Koh Tao was amaaaazing. For 5 days, we did pretty much nothing but dive, hang out, read, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. (: Waking up at 630am for the morning dives was an awesome way to start the days and I miss it soooooo damn much already.

The topic of life as a dive instructor came up on a few occasions as we lamented about how awesome it must be, to wake up every morning knowing that you will be doing a job that you love. Yet I thought it must start to feel different, once that hobby becomes an obligation of sorts.. Since with a job, comes responsibilities and rules that you probably never really had to give much thought to when you were just diving for fun. It's like married life, you know. Once the kids (jobs) come, there are just some things that you can no longer freely do, because you have the responsibility to make sure your kids (students) are taken care of. Hah.

Then on our very last night, while talking to sneaky about working as an instructor, his story of going from feeling like the luckiest person in the world to constantly having to reinforce to himself the notion of "Luke! You're so lucky!" made me laugh because while I could totally relate, it also made me think back on a post I had previously wrote, about how sometimes, contentment can so easily become such an inadequate sense of satisfaction. Which, can be seen as a natural progression since we're constantly being exposed to so many different aspects of life that we can't possibly expect our sense of contentment to remain static for an extended period of time. I guess if one were to live life fully, it would then mean that contentment would never suffice?

Right... pardon my ramblings. Anyway!

Audeee and me.

Did my first couple of dives with Audeee and she, is super cool. Haha (:

So after we bid Koh Tao a sad sad sad goodbye, we headed back to Bangkok where Maine and Manda attempted to buy half of Bangkok back with them. There were many moments of "It's only $5! I might as well..." Haha. Though I have to admit that there really were a shit ton of good steals.. If I had not been on a budget, I am pretty sure I would have gone bananas too. (:

Got my visa settled the moment I came back from the trip too! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it gets approved soon. That would be an awesome awesome birthday present ;) and yesss I'm turning 24 in a couple of days! It's a travesty, I am almost a quarter century old now... to think I feel like I just turned 16 yesterday. Haha.

Alright, swedish lesson to end this off.



Because right this moment,

I'm just a girl.

The country's in the midst of election fever the past few weeks and the question of one's party of choice never fails to come up in every single conversation. It might be too early to say, but in my constituency, I felt the choice was pretty clear. I have no impression, none whatsoever, of the opposition party. One would have thought that if you're going up against the PM, the least you could do was put up a good fight? Haha. I have to admit that I am not a staunch supporter of any party but neither am I anti-PAP. I simply voted for who I thought could better serve the needs of the constituency/country. In a nutshell, while I understand the arguments brought up by the Opposition, I did not hear any credible solutions to these problems that they found with the current government. It just seems like there was a lot of appeal to populist sentiments. I have to say that I believe and have more faith in PAP's policies, but also strongly believe that they can do so much better . And while there is indeed a need for opposition parties in parliament to act as checks against the PAP, at the end of the day, it's my view that they are still better equipped to run this country. 

Well, whichever party eventually comes into power, let's hope that improving the financial standings of the working folks and closing the widening chasm between rich and poor are some of the top few priorities.

On an entirely different note, it's 17 weeks to law school, to England, to a new chapter (: While I am extremely psyched for school, I am also very ... afraid. I know I shouldn't be and I'm in the process of overcoming this hurdle, but it's slow coming. Haha.. Anyway, I just bought my first 3 law texts for school yesterday! Interesting stuff and can't wait to get down to it once it arrives (: 

I think this change is gonna be good for me. Not just because I'm going to finally be able to do what I have been gunning for all these years, but also because I feel like it's a break that I desperately need. A time to be a lot more independent, to really stand on my own two feet. And for that, I'm excited. (:

One another note, it would also be good for me to meet new people. To let my heart be at ease, to concentrate on my studies, and not get sucked back into this mess that we sometimes call a casual...ship. Especially in the last few weeks where things between us have been swinging from one end to the other with barely time for me to catch hold of what's happening. You've been throwing me curveballs one after the next and while I threw some good ones back, I can't catch up. 

I woke up one Wednesday morning and wished so very hard, that things between us weren't so complicated. It kills the butterflies that I like, so very much, and it makes my insides clench and hurt. You asked me a question and I couldn't give you an answer. You wanted to know why but I said goodnight. I'm afraid to tell you what I really want because I somehow know that you'd only turn and run. I guess I've always known that at the end of the day, I'll never be what you really want. I would rather not take the risk of whatever it is that we have, falling apart. I would rather later, than sooner.

I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.

Today's swedish phrase is a mushy one. Haha.

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

Jag är bara en flicka, som står framför en pojke och ber honom att älska henne.

Live fully

and you'll have no fear of death.

Penning from an internet cafe here in Penang, Malaysia. (Wi-fi is pretty much non-existent.) Flew back here this weekend as relatives from my paternal side gathered to accompany Grandma on her final stretch. It's been pretty melancholy the last day but still interjected with sporadic laughter as Grandma tried to speak to all her children and grandchildren. We're not particularly close to the paternal side of the family, coming back to visit maybe once or twice every two years during the Chinese New Year; but there's still a connection that's difficult to put into words. Grandma used to come visit us in Singapore too, a couple of years back, before she fell ill. I remember how well she could cook and having her with my Grandma from mom's side together always meant quite a delicious feast (:

I never knew how difficult it was, to watch a loved one suffering from an illness, coughing their lungs out and groaning in pain. It was the sense of helplessness as one stood by, not being able to do anything at all to relieve the pain, that was hard to handle - because all you can do is hold her hand, and be there for her.

The idea of death scares me. I know people say to just live life fully and if death comes, let it come. Yet there's only so much you can accomplish in a day right, you always always want to do more ;] We never know when the reaper's gonna come and cut us short.. As the saying also goes, we always fear what we don't understand, what we don't know. So.... what then? Guess it just comes full circle doesn't it. - Live fully, and you'll have no   minimal fear of death. Haha.. at the very least, you know you lived to your fullest potential and you went out with a bang (no pun intended).

On a brighter note, 79 days to the BFF's return! (: Rooooobbban's also coming back this July. I must remember to request Fanta-free. Haha. I've also booked my flight for England!!! (: Managed to get it preeetty cheap since it's 5 months early ;) Have I mentioned that I can't wait to start school? Because I am! (That's prolly gonna change 3 months into school...... but you know ;] )

My time's almost up and god this internet cafe is awesome. I'm accompanied by teens playing DOA and random shouts of hokkien vulgarities every 2-3 minutes. I feel like my ears need to be soaped out. Haha. 

Nature

magnificently glorious, yet unpredictably chaotic.

First it was Christchurch, followed by Yunnan and most recently, Sendai. All within the span of a few months. Mother Nature's surely been throwing her weight around. Alright big shot, it's about time to cut the world some slack huh?

On the 11th, at slightly half past 1 in the afternoon as we all went about our normal routines, be it work, meetings, having lunch, taking a nap or playing with your kids; further up East, the grounds shook and trembled, splitting tarmac and unleashing a tsunami of waves 10 meters high on the unsuspecting Japanese, who received warnings merely 10 seconds before finding themselves in the eye of the quake and waves. The young could run, but for a nation that is also known for the longevity of its people, one can only imagine the struggles the elderly had in seeking help and shelter.

The live coverage of the disaster was gnarly and raised goosebumps every time I came across an update, and the horrors never ceased. Aftershocks (if you can even call magnitudes of 6 an aftershock) followed one after another, exacerbated by threats of radiation as nuclear plants crashed. As the Japanese huddled in solidarity, the nuclear crisis almost seemed like it would overwhelm the land of the rising sun. However, efforts seem to be making some headway as nuclear specialists and relief workers toll round the clock to stop the meltdown and international relief efforts were heartening to watch. Donations poured in and I hope everyone did their part, no matter how small. :)

In these trying times, it gives us pause to take a breather for a minute and be thankful for what we have. While we may bitch and moan about how tiny Singapore is, how boring it can get, how it only takes 90 minutes to get from one end of the country to the other, how we get the sun 365 days of the year and instead of snow, we get it's lame cousin - rain; but let's not forget that being small and being where we are on the equator also has its advantages. We never have to shovel our sidewalks for one (haha.) and while we might be an hour late to meetings, we'll never be a day too late. Most importantly, our risk of natural disasters are slim to none and the worst casualties of our recent flash floods were merely luxury items like cars, coffee and Hermes bags. Hah.

With a natural disaster already claiming over 10,000 lives in Japan on one side of the world, and military forces claiming another few thousands more in Libya, it makes you seriously wonder if the world's coming to implode on itself. Gaddafi, Allied forces, Tomahawk missiles, No-fly zone, Operation 'Odyssey Dawn', doesn't it just make you wish that military weapons never existed to begin with?

On a lighter note, took some time off on Wednesday to meet up with Alexandra and Tina again. They're both leaving Singapore in a couple of months!! Tina back to Sweden and Alexandra is moving to London! So glad to hear that :D I'm definitely gonna be visiting them once I'm in Leeds (: Headed over to Leedon after for dinner with Monica and Steve. Sallad med kyckling, potatis, pumpa, avokado, feta ost och tangerine. Vi hade grilled ost med panini bröd också! Mmmm, jättegott! Det var en jättebra, fantastisk och mycket kul onsdag (:

Söta Victor (: He gets cuter every time I see him. Sighs.

och söta Sebastian (: ♥

Gonna end off with something funny. I don't know what I'd do without Hanssen sometimes... He really finds me the best shit to make me laugh at the most unexpected moments. Lol. (:

Swedish phrase in line with the latest update from Japan:

Farmor och pojke räddades i Japan - Grandma and a boy was rescued in Japan. 

Dude!

So the first post of 2011 and I'm blogging this from the bus.

Where I have a seat.

A seat that is meant for one.

But a seat that I am currently sharing.

With a lady that is clearly so smitten by my good looks and charm that of alllll the other seats she could choose from, she chose to squeeze in and sit half on my lap.

Well, I guess the words, 'personal space' do not exist in her world.

Anyway, Happy 2011 y'all! (: 2010 has been a bit of bumpy ride but towards the later half, it has been very well and eventful. Hopefully this means the good flow will continue on into this year! 2 weeks in and things are looking positive (:

I've spoken to my parents about school and after looking at the options, I've decided to go with Leeds. It's more viable financially and their merit scholarships are a great incentive for me to push myself. They have a really good pro-bono program too which is awesome since that was where a huge part of my motivation to read law stemmed from.
The last hurdle now would be the Visa issue so I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for that. Goddd I'm really really really psychedd to start school!!! (: (:

So in other news, my heart's been going a little stir crazy for the past few weeks. I don't quite understand this obsession but according to Kris, the oh so wise man, it's an unhealthy addiction that needs to kick the bucket. Easier said than done of course.

She is, for lack of a better word, amazing. She is smart and funny (although opinions vary) and has the best laugh that makes you want to laugh too. I guess I came to the realisation that I really really really like her. LOL. However, the past few days have been a bit of a train wreck and it's been making me go completely insane. I've fumbled, stuttered and spazzed out in front of her, losing a million points in the process. But... We live and learn right? And I'm determined to conquer this one. Lol!

I'm also taking a short trip to Cambodia with manda next week. After working through Christmas Eve and NYE, I thought it's a well deserved respite ;) it's gonna be my last trip until I leave for England though. Gotta save up as much as possible. I was telling maine that as long as I lay low for the next 5 months, I'd be on the right track :D
I gave a timeline of 5 months because well...... My partner-in-crime is coming back again this summer!!!!!! We wanted to do Shanghai/Taiwan together but with law school also comes some financial sacrifices so we'll prolly only do a short trip around Thailand/Malaysia in July (: Super psychedd (:

Lastly, was over at Monica's last night and Ulrika was in town (: she gives the most awesome hugs and we all know how I'm a big ass sucker for stora kramarrr! Anyway, I'm so proud of Freja Designs! Things are really starting to take off now and I'm so excited for them with the new stores and coming up with the various new displays. (: It's a bit of a mad house now but I have no doubts that she's gonna do great this year.

To end it off, swedish word of the day from Ulrika, ''Fy fan!'' ;)

--
Sent from my mobile device


"With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are
attainable."
- Thomas Buxton

Tall, Dark and Cool

and she walks, with just the right kind of swagger.

Slightly late, but Merry Christmas everyone! (: I hope y'all had good celebrations and received awesome gifts, I know I did! Got a few charm bracelets, charm necklaces, VS body mist (which smells heavenly, I must say.) books, prettiest stationery, IKEA stuff (you can't really go wrong when you give me IKEA products. Lol), vouchers and cuddly bears (: 

All in all, so much ♥

Still, I have to say that the best gift of all was my law school acceptances! (: I got replies from my first 3 choices now. So the next step would be to discuss it with my parents and decide on a school... If all goes according to plan, I will hopefully be England-bound September next year! I was soooo very very very psyched when I received the acceptances. I feel like it's bar none, the best thing that has ever happened to me this year and what a way to end off 2010 right? (: Now just wish me luck for the discussion with my folks ;)

Christmas celebrations were a bit more mellow this year. Had a julfika at Alexandra's on the 22nd, pot luck dinner on the 23rd at Willie's, family christmas party at my place on 24th and dinner with the swedes on the 25th. Heaps of good food, good gifts, good laughter and just a tinge of alcohol with lovely company = ♥ (:

I got Victor a christmas present too and he was soooooo adorable. Lol. He was really hyper, running around and making truck noises the whole time, yet still so gentle when it came to lil Sebastian (:

Before I go, Swedish phrase: 

Världens alla tomtar med en hel del röda luvor - All the world's gnomes with a lot of red hats.

God Jul och Gott Nytt År

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (:

‎"I know there's a bit of us that would like me to do a Hugh Grant in Love Actually (2003) and tell America where to get off. But the difference between a good movie and real life in that in real life, there's the next day, the next year, the next lifetime to contemplate the ruinous consequences of easy applause." - Tony Blair

Onus Probandi

the burden of proof

It’s a guilt that I can’t quite comprehend. I felt sorry and sad, as though I could feel the weight of his heavy heart. For just a split second there, my heart clenched, my breath caught and I wished largely for his sake that things could have remained the same.

Yet feelings fade and people change.

It’s a scary thought, that one. It’s as though we've been caught in this whirlwind of emotions and we’re constantly struggling to keep our head above water but we don’t quite know what exactly we are fighting for. Grandeur dreams that we are blindly seeking simply because we believe that there is something better out there. There's no fault in that, of course. Yet, some would say humans are greedy by nature and I’m inclined to agree. Doesn’t it seem ironic how contentment can so easily become such an inadequate sense of satisfaction? The restlessness festers and we start to seek for greener pastures, which is admirable because we should never be contented with mediocrity, right?

But I sometimes question whether mediocrity is really the core issue here; what one has could very well be epic and the whole notion of mediocrity is after all only a standard that we set for ourselves. It’s the ability to find that true sense of contentment that seems to elude us all.

On another note, I have not heard back from the schools yet beyond them asking for my transcript (which can’t possibly bode well?). It’s honestly very very very nerve-wrecking and I find myself eyeing my inbox every five minutes; clearly bordering the edge of obsessive insanity. I’ve never wanted something this bad and hopefully this gets through to the admissions tutor above anything else.

Swedish phrase before I go,

av hjärtans lust – to one’s heart’s content.



If you could see yourself just for a day,

You would see how everyone else sees you.

And my god, you are fucking beautiful.

Can you believe it is almost December? Time is flying by really fast! So I've just submitted my law school application.. Finally. Heh. I had to spend an insane amount of time cutting it down. My first draft was 4 pages worth of rambling and after 2 weeks (I know, don't judge me. Haha.) I finally managed to whip it into a concise and coherent piece of work. :D So fingers crossed and wish me luck okay? :)

The past few weeks have been quite a whirlwind of events and I was also down with the longest bout of cough/sore throat/headaches which did not help things at all. I was fairly miserable and antisocial to be honest. Haha.. but everything's alright now... sorta. :) Work has been pretty stressful but I love it still.. It's already been 3 1/2 months now :) I'm hoping to do a court sesh this week if my work load permits, this one's quite a tough mediation and I really wanna sit in on it. Hopefully that works out!

Kris and I had a massive skype showdown over the midweek break. Hahaha. It was fun :) It's funny how situations and relationships evolve. More often than not, we always want things to stay the same but feelings fade, and people change.. Sometimes it really is for the better even though in the beginning, it might seem like it fucking hurts. But we learn to deal with it and we move on because with every lesson, we can only get a little bit wiser, a little bit more experienced :) I'm glad how we turn out and I hope we'll always always, be friends..... homs. Hahaha.

Someone had her heart thrown around a bit over the past week too. It's really scary, matters of the heart. But I guess that's why it's so exhilarating in the first place. Haha. It made me realise that being with someone for over a long period of time, does not necessarily mean that the both of you are set for life. All it takes, is one moment, with someone who can show you that he understands and knows you like the back of his hand. That one moment can so easily cast doubts on something that was built on a foundation of many years. One might say then that the foundation must not be that strong to begin with. But how would we ever know how strong something is, until it is truly tested? It also reminded me of something that Ryan once said (God I miss that boy.), that if we start holding hands out of habit, familiarity and not love, that's when we need to question what it is we really have.

But but but, let me make it clear that my stand is, cheating can never ever be justified, but everything else is fair game. Hahaha. And once you're married (or the equivalent)? Then you damn well hold her fucking hand until you drop dead. Lol.

Okay, enough talk about relationships. I was gonna do a piece relating to this,

Well, it is somewhat related to relationships but of a different nature. I guess this will have to wait.

2 swedish phrases before I go,

vägen till framgång - the road to success

tack samma det - appreciate it

Of knights and damsels in distress.

That's never been how we played our roles. 

Yet it's sometimes hard to let go, to forget about those preconceived notions that we once held. It's scary to think that despite how comfortable we've gotten with each other and how deep we've delved into, we're still, not quite there yet. And I'm not even sure if we're ever going to, someday.

Veering off slightly, I've also come to realise how crucial it is for me to learn how to separate myself from these weird twinges that I feel for people, regardless of who they may be. In the 5 weeks that I've been at LAB, I've come across heaps of applicants with the saddest situation that requires our help. Sometimes we can, other times, it's beyond our means. Whatever the case may be, I was told that it's important to draw the line between work and my personal life. ''Don't bring the applicants back with you,'' he said. I've come to see the truth in that. 

Disassociation is so vital here and lucky me, that's not something that I have learned to do yet. 

Starting to slowly get more files and more responsibilities. The stress level is increasing with each day, but I like it (: Facing challenges, learning to suss out the truth, learning to read between the lines, training myself to be a lot more conscientious and a lot more careful with my words are skills that I am picking up bit by bit (:

For the first time, I feel it getting closer, with every step that I take (:

Thread lightly,

for you thread on my dreams.

The US media has been going stir crazy the past month with their reporting on Park51.  One side of the camp says America is about religious freedom and people should be free to worship where they choose. Then the other says building the mosque so near to Ground Zero is equivalent to a slap in the faces of people that lost their loved ones in 9/11. As in many things in life, it's hard to split everything down the middle between black and white. There is always a grey area... and I think in this instance, the grey area is sensitivity to those affected by 9/11 and survivors that lost people they loved.

Unfortunately, this grey area has been blown (no pun intended) entirely out of it's it's meant proportion by the media and people who are too vocal for their own good. They shifted their argument to focus on the community centre being a headquarters for terrorism, (seriously.) and we allllll know how well that's gonna turn out.

That said, I know that 9/11, although orchestrated by Al Qaeda, doesn't equate Islam and the entire population of Muslims to terrorism. Moreover, the Park51 project is more like a community center than a mosque. 

But on the other hand, I don't think it's hard to just understand why many have reservations towards the Islamic religion after 9/11. Because despite the terrorists being extremist and despite extremists not representing what Islam is really about, essentially to these people, religion was their primary motivation and it was unfortunate that their view of Islam differed from the mainstream. Even more unfortunate, was that their screwed up interpretation of Islam was practically broadcasted across the entire nation. Bearing in mind, that emotions are powerful beyond words.

So yes, them being assholes does not mean it is fair for the Muslims in America to lose their right to worship as they choose. But when some have caused grief to others in the name of that religion, (albeit a very screwed up and extreme interpretation of said religion), I don't think it's unreasonable to not want a center/facility/whatever it may be that has, in some way or another, links to a core motivation for the 9/11 incident, to be built near where it had happened. Not because it is dangerous, but just for the reason that it would be a painful reminder.

You can repeat a billion times over, that Islam religion had nothing to do with the tragedy of 9/11. And you would be right. But as I mentioned, emotions? They're bad ass mofos man. All that made many people see, was not that the terrorists happened to be Muslim but that the terrorists were Muslim.

Emotions cloud judgment, undeniably so. But it's emotions that make us all human.

Religious freedom, to have the right to worship as you choose - I absolutely agree. But on the other hand, I think it wouldn't hurt to thread lightly, be tactful and maybe just show a little understanding and respect, on both sides.

Anyway the whole debate among the politicians is such a farce. They should just shut their freaking pie holes. After all, doesn't their constitution state that, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."? So hold their comments. It's a slippery slope and they've lost their bearings far too long ago.

I do think we come across another grey area with regards to when the government should interfere. In my previous post on Prop 8, I spoke of my belief that the government has the duty to make sure that the basic rights of people are not infringed upon by any one religion. In this case, one can argue that the government also has the duty to ensure that the basic rights of people to worship where they choose, is not infringed upon by the misconceptions/biases that some people may hold towards any one religion. But as I mentioned, the other grey area here is that people are not saying you can't have the freedom to worship whomever you choose, but it would be good manners, to not built your place of worship around the grounds that people still hold strong feelings about. A little of give and take would be nice, perhaps.

Anywayyyy, legalities and political motives aside. Everyone else? Show a little tolerance, show a little respect, hug, and let's move on. Hahah. If only it were that easy eh.

On a lighter note, went to catch "Going the Distance" tonight! Was quite a funny movie, it was better than I expected actually! Such familiar situations...... but of course they managed to resolve it with prettier and less angsty 'solutions'. Haha. If only life could imitate film huh ;)

To end off, courtesy of Cassie ♥

Swedish words: sjunga, skratt, ler - sing, laugh, smile (:

It takes a minute to say Hello,

and forever to say Goodbye.

I helped out at the IBJ Gala Dinner on Thursday at St Regis and I'm glad I did it! It was good to sort of get a better feel of the organization and some of the speeches were inspiring. I particularly liked the short but succinct speech by Innocent Maja, a Senior Fellow from Zimbabwe. So often people look at a problem and speculate about it's outcome without offering plausible solutions, which is why it is so heartening to see people with such a strong conviction that they can be part of the solution through their services and expertise. And I have to admit that I was really surprised, by the generosity that was displayed during the auctions. It was very encouraging (: Hilary did an awesome job and I hope there will be more opportunities to work with them.

Friday was fairly eventful. Libing came by in the morning and we went for a run. (Finally!) We've been meaning to start our running routine... (we used to run every week without fail before our beds grew to be our biggest downfall!) Haha so it was good that we managed to drag our asses out this time. My muscles are aching today though -_-" Then lunch with Manda, ..... the lift broke... so I was late. Hahah. This girl's amazing, she can listen to me ramble on and on like a trooper. 

Oh look at this, saw it at MinXuan's blog. Quite brilliant eh, the power of putting on that framed accessory ;)

Anyway, hung out at Monica's for a bit after, then went to meet Simon for fika! Good chats, heaps of laughs (: And as a student in film studies, I think he was aghast at the number of awesome/acclaimed movies that I have not watched while we were browsing at Borders. Haha, I am not proud of that fact really, but there's only 24 hours a day and so much to do ;) I must catch 'Remember me' though. Cause Maine said it's great and I.... believe her. Hah. 

Headed back to Monica's again after. From then on, it can pretty much be summed up with, Beer, Italian, Beer, Walk, Beer, Beer. I... love Asahi. That's my new favourite, it even tops my past favourite, Hoegaarden. Heh. Beer makes me giggly and fairly bold. So it was a fun evening, if only laughing really gave you abs. I'd have a six pack today. As do all good things, the evening had to come to an end too. Sent Robban to the airport and it was the longest goodbye at the departure gates ever.  Hugs are awesome, people often underestimate its powers. Haha. Apparently Borlänge is a hellhole but if I could, I would switch places with him! Ha.

Today's swedish word is,"flygplats" which means 'airport'; swedish phrase is "ska vi gå?" which means 'shall we go?'

Going back to my comment on hugs. This video made me cry. Haha. Okay hey if you don't shed a single tear while watching this, you have the coldest heart ever. LOL :p

The patriotism of servicemen, the ugliness of war, the joy of homecoming.

Jag älskar kramar. (:

Tjugo tre.

på svenska

Så jag är tjugo tre nu! Min födelsedag fest i år var lite konstigt.. men det var bra också. Mysig fest med som några goda vänner, lunch och söta Ylva, och jättegod middag med min familjen på japansk restaurang. Jag hade en mysig lunch med Monica och Robban i går också på Hyatt poolside. Det regnade, men det var ånda mycket trevligt.

Amanda och söm några vänner kom till mitt hus på 21 juli vid klockan tre på morgonen! Hehe. De överraskade mig med söm mycket mycket vackra cupcakes. 

Svenska och fotboll, mina två favoriter.

Jag saknar Maine och Kris så mycket och önskar att de kunde fira med mig här i Singapore. Men.. det vär mycket trevligt också att tillbringa .. 'early hours' den 21 juli, pratar med dem på skype. Teknik är jåttebra! Hehe.

på engelska

So another year has come and gone, this 23rd has been ... a pretty good one with close friends and family. Good surprises, lunches, dinner, beers. Yet it was also strangely.. (input an emotive word describing the clenching of one's heart. haha. No, not heartbreaking). 

We sometimes meet people whom we feel like we could connect with, on a level that goes beyond the normal realm of superficiality that most friendships tend to linger in these days. If we're lucky, the mesh is instantaneous and painless, if we're not.... well, I guess the process will be a little like building the Colosseum. Tedious, teeth gnawing and frustrating, but y'all will keep pushing for it because you know the ending is gonna be epic. Having said that, it doesn't make doing it any easier. 

Then I have this annoying guilt gnawing at my brain, telling me I really shouldn't be doing this. But the resemblance is so, so uncanny. It makes me so, so curious to explore. Or as Kris so kindly suggested, maybe I just might be a little touched in the head. 

I was wound so tightly yesterday evening and felt like I could do with a beer, or ten. Well, good company and Erdinger did me good. I went to bed loose limbed and pleasantly buzzed.

Mm, I'm pretty awesome at this rambling shit.

Swedish words today coming from the swedish story above

konstigt - strange

överraskade - surprised

teknik - technology

Dear God,

It is him that I want. 

Can I have him please? 

All to myself? :)

Swedish phrase.. unga och gamla. Which means the young and old.

Isn't this picture just stunning? The composition's perfect with Julia looking so tiny. Steve took it while they were in Skåne :)

Of Friendships and it's Politics.

Yesterday, I learnt that there are some things in life beyond our control and we just have to leave them be. We can get mad, scream, shout, bawl our eyes out but sometimes, when a situation has reached the point of FUBAR, it's best to let it go. I don't know if I was being emotional or overtly sensitive (which I know that I'm brilliant at), but I doubt I've ever had that feeling of loathe and regret in such overwhelming doses at any point in time. I thought I was over this stupid situation, but clearly, I thought wrong. (DAMN this emotionally dramatic side of me.)

I loathe, that something so trivial could blow up into one of such grossly epic proportions. I loathe, that one man could unravel the ties that bind, so very easily. I loathe, that people who were supposed to care, stood by and did naught. Beyond all, I loathe, the superficiality of the entire situation and everyone involved, including myself. Then I regret, for my oversight and poor judgment. I regret, for not making more of an effort. I regret, that I could not bring myself to forgive, to forget, nor to see past their faults. I regret, that things had to end up this way.

But we live and learn. So we brush off our knees, stand back up and we move on. Because the hurt will ease and the anger will fade, in time.

Remembering a quote that I once saw somewhere, "It's not giving up, it's realizing that you don't need certain people and their crap." (And they don't need mine :) )

Today's swedish phrase, something that I strive to be able to do gracefully, some day.

 Glömma och förlåta - Forgive and forget.

Hello Apple :)

I you.

PMQs on the 16th June was quite a laugh. I've quite liked the debate between Cameron and Harman thus far but in this particular PMQ, the exchange was merely a diatribe of rhetoric crap. Exchanging verbal blows and pushing blame without really answering the issue of whether the govt will try to ensure that the upcoming budget cuts will not exacerbate the unemployment levels in the UK. I get that the Labour party messed up and left a gaping mess for the new coalition govt to salvage, but the cuts that are about to be put in place (and many that have already been implemented) seem so very harsh, especially on the lower income sector.

In particular, the scrapping of the CTFs was quite a puzzling move I thought. It was one of Labour's better policies that gave back to the people and one that would help ensure young adults stepping out at the age of 18 would be fairly financially sound. But I do agree that it is a policy that helps all children across the board regardless of your financial status (even some that really do not need the extra couple of hundred every year since their parents are making a few hundred thousand annually) and cutting it would certainly help reduce government spending. But it fails to see how much it has helped families whose parents don't earn that much; forcing them to save as well and prevents them from withdrawing what would eventually help their kid set up home/settle into their first job. If CTF had to be scrapped, it would appear more sensible if the govt could come up with another policy similar to the CTF but one that doesn't go across the board and focuses mainly on the sector of parents who are earning far less annually.

So much going on with the education sector as well. The raises and cuts are being applied to the wrong things!! (fees and places respectively.) Haha. But I am aware that the number of universities in the UK has increased tremendously and the quality of graduates aren't as great anymore since anyone and everyone could get in. It does make one wonder though, all these 20,000 students who intended to go to Uni but can't anymore, what exactly are they gonna do then? Sighs, tbh, I don't even wanna touch on/think about the possibility of my admission with a ten foot pole right now. Denial's my new best friend. Haha. But I really really hope my chances of getting a place in the UK wouldn't be diminished to zilch entirely.

Today's swedish sentence....  

Han flirta med hon i baren. 

Which means, he was flirting with her at the bar. :)

And... my birthday's coming!!! :D Hehe.

Hjärt.

Emotions can be such annoying things to deal with, no? Love, hate, empathy, pity, anger, sadness. Exhilarating as some may be, it's those that twist your gut and make that lil red organ in your chest clench so tight you can barely breathe, that makes it all so difficult to deal with.

I have never denied being the sort that always stupidly, wears her heart on her sleeve. Yet I strive to be the sort that never gets herself lost in the whirlwind of emotions, to be able to have a better handle on all these pesky feelings, to not let them cloud my judgement should there come the need to make one. Well..... I'm still working on that.

The resemblance was uncanny. The shy, yet cheeky way of speech, the glimpses of blasé nonchalance, it almost felt like I was bantering with you.

I wish, I want, I yearn.

Time for some swedish!: 

själ - which means soul. 

kropp och själ - would mean body and soul.

hjärt - heart 

mitt hjärta - my heart

jävla dum - which means fucking stupid.

And that is all.

Salut, Roger. Salut, Falla.

Det var så jävla bra!

Everyone was so sure Federer was gonna crash out of Wimbledon in the first round, after being two sets down. But not ME. Haha. Wimbledon's his pet competition, he's not gonna take it lying down just like that. But okay, one has to admit that he did have a little luck on his side. He didn't play extremely horribly though, I thought it was okay play throughout with the exceptions of a few unforced errors that should not have happened, but it wasn't anything shocking or drastic. More importantly, one can't deny that Falla played such a brilliant game too.. but Federer's comeback was amazing.. the break at 4-4 in the 3rd was so crucial and once the tie-break started, he basically steamrolled the rest of the game. Bravo, bravo.

                         

Speaking of sports, it reminds me of the article by Guardian just a few days back with regards to the England-Algeria game and how the English fans were booing the players at the end of the match. It was interesting to read the discussions that people had on whether it was okay, to boo your own team.

I.... (in my humble opinion of course) think it isn't. It's not a matter of blind loyalty/faith and neither is it for superficial reasons, but I think jeering crosses a line. Constructive criticism is perfectly fine, we're all entitled to our own opinions, but why jeer. How does kicking people when they're down help make things any better. (okay, besides soothing that feeling of being so very indignant about the scoreline.) I get that people are disappointed and mad because they take up loans/spend money to travel to SA and watch the English team play. But as in every investment that you choose to make, there are risks. So England had a bad game, people have bad days, it happens. It shouldn't, but it did. Why only cheer them on when they are victorious, why only stand behind them when they have made you happy? That seems a bit too much like fair-weathered fans to me. Honestly, does anyone really have doubts that every single England player that walked off the pitch that day, didn't know what a tremendously and outrageously sucky game they had played? It was embarrassing, the England team was weak, but could they have done without the jeers? I thought, absolutely.

I've been so tired recently. It's the kind of weariness that seeps right down to your bones. I've been crashing at about 11:30-12 the past few nights (which is a record early time for me) and the moment I fall into bed, I fall straight into the arms of Morpheus.

Today's Swedish phrases:
football players - fotbollspelarnas
football team - fotbollslag
I like to play football - Jag gillar att spela fotboll